Void

Sorry for the lack of updates, many of the memories I have are shattered and very difficult to describe. There is one that is very vivid and clear from when I was asleep. There was nothing, just my consciousness, I don't really know how to describe this, try closing your eyes and relaxing. All that is there now is black, now try to imagine what it would be like without the black. There was nothing at all, I thought I was dead, or very close to it at least. I had no idea what had happened to me but I remember thinking that I was done for.

There were no bright lights, or pearly gates. Just a vast void, no darkness or light, that would have been something, just me. Not my body though because again that would be something. Just thoughts and nothing else. This went on for what felt like a very long time, although there was nothing to gauge the passing of time, without matter though I suppose time would not exist. While I was there though all I did was question life and what it is. I was forced to face my mortality, and I am terrified of it. Nothing matters in that place, the things Ive done, the people Ive met, none of it was there. All that was was the constant thought that I was dying, or dead for that matter I wasn't sure.

Its odd I never really questioned my mortality. I knew that one day I would die but that was a distant time and I didn't need to worry about it. When I was locked inside my head it was the single overbearing thought.

So I guess the moral of the story is enjoy you lives, don't have regrets and just be happy. If your unhappy you are doing it wrong. Never put things off that you want to do, there might not be a tomorrow.

Customer at work

Hey everyone,
Sorry about the lack of updates last week. Video game addiction is still in full swing.

I met a woman at work the other day whose cousin had the same thing happen to her that happened to me. The only difference is her cousin never woke up. That is now the second person that I have heard of who had the same thing happen. So far I'm the only one that is still alive.

I never thought asthma was a big deal, guess I was wrong.

The Kanye West Story

This one takes place after the coma when all the drugs were still in my system. This was a very vivid hallucination that still feels like a memory. The only people that were actually with me was Kels, and eventually my Physio therapist. Keep in mind I am completely almost completely paralyzed and unable to even sit up let alone walk.

Today I find myself lost in some tunnels underneath Toronto. Picture a giant parking garage. Im driving around trying to find my way back to the hospital, have no idea where I am going and traffic is horrible so I park. I walk to the nearest street sign and it has directions to st mikes hospital on it. Apparently im on level 3 or something and St.Mikes was on level 14. Now all over the place there are small one person elevators that you lay down in and say your level out loud and this tube takes you there. I couldnt get it to work so I asked this guy walking by. This Guy turned out to be Rick Campenelli.
me: Hey dude, how the hell do I work this thing.
Rick: I don't know man but take this ticket to much on demand and come watch.
He walks away into the crowd.

So I start walking up the levels until I reach 14. This is when Kels walks up and I start telling her alll about my day. (this is real, Kels reallly did come visit) Then I notice that theres regular roads and then water running next to them, as well as water parking spaces. I ask someone walking past who parks in them and he said Kanye West and Jay Z and looked at me like I was crazy for even asking. They are also the only people who park themselves, everyone else uses valet parking.

That is when Kanye pulls up and gets off his Sea-Doo. At this point my physio therapist is in the room and doing exercises with me but I wont say a word because Kanye is walking past. He was going to teach Muay Thai to some patients and I insisted to everyone with me that this was common knowledge. Kanye always works in the hospital teaching Muay Thai apparently.

My memory ends with Kanye coming back through hopping on his Sea-Doo and driving away. He forgot his helmet.

pre-coma

How did I get myself into a coma in the first place you ask?


Well it all started when I moved to Toronto. Things were going good, I had just quit smoking and was enjoying what was left of the nice weather. No job meant no money though, so in October I found a job at a pet store as the Reptile Manager. Job was great, payed about as much as you can ask for retail. Unfortunately retail is stressful, and any ex-smoker knows what happens when new stress comes around. So I'm back to smoking a pack a day.

With all the bills, getting to and from work, my outrageous video game addiction and those damn cigarettes I had no money for my asthma meds. I wasn't worried though because I felt great, my breathing was fine, and besides I had the emergency one (ie cheap one) on hand at all times so what could go wrong. (Lots apparently)

So December came and went and the new year began. Early on in January I started getting a cold. I get the same one every year so I wasnt worried. There was a nagging voice in the back of my head saying I wasnt on my meds and I should get that taken care of but he would ussually shut up after a smoke or two.

So life continued as normal, I went to work everyday came home and relaxed. Then one day my parents called me to help the move, I agreed being the good son I am and went back to my home town. That night at my parents my cold got much worse. Thinking it was all the physical labor I cut my visit short and went home.

Now is when my memory starts to go. I think I continued to go to work and pretend everything was fine meanwhile my breathing was getting very very bad. After having walked to the Eatons center the day before and being constantly struggling to breathe I decided to head to Emergency for a quick Ventolin mask as this always fixed me before.

It didn't work this time. After trying several different medications and machines (including a ventilator I apparently called the death machine) I agreed to be intubated. This is when I was sedated, for the next ten days my body literally fought to survive. My C02 levels were sitting dangerously high and nothing the doctors could do would take them down. I was about as close to dieing as possible without actually having my heart stop.

Wow did not expect this to be this long, if you read all of that then you deserve a cookie. I promise the next post will be one of my funny delirious stories.

Welcome

My name is Steve and earlier this year I was in a drug induced coma. It lasted ten days, ten very long days. During this time and for several days after wards i had many vivid dreams, hallucinations, and deliriums. Over the last several weeks I have been remembering them. I will be recounting these every few days at first, and as I remember them as time goes on. Some of them are pretty funny, others are downright terrifying, either way I will be posting them exactly as I remember. Some of these may not be appropriate for the younger folk but I will try to put a heads up in the title. I hope you enjoy the reading.
Steve